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Recently on one of our many flights around the country, John Murphy, Vice President of TouchNet, and I were reflecting on the changes in the financial world over the last two years. John made an offhand comment that sounded something like "Twas the night before the crash, and all through the land, the subprime mess got really out of hand..." We laughed, but then over the next hour or so, we scribbled the basic outline of this parody of Clement C. Moore's classic 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Here's to a Happy Holiday Season and a prosperous 2011.

'Twas March of ’08 and all through the land,
The economy boomed; easy credit was grand.
But Wall Street had stumbled and soon came decline
And all we could hope was to stop it in time.

We worried at work and we worried in beds,
While visions of bankruptcy danced in our heads.
First fell Bear Stearns and then Brothers Lehman.
Those dang subprime mortgages were really a demon!

And then later that year there arose a great clatter,
‘Cause AIG and TARP had made us still madder.
So at Congress we yelled; anger flew like a flash,
And they quickly discussed ways to save us our cash.

Then a little old driver, so lively and quick,
Barney Frank was the guy, not good ole St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his reformers they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Durbin! Now Dodd! Now Cuomo and Spitzer.
Get Goldman! Get Merrill! And that noisy Wolf Blitzer!
To the top of the porch! To the Street they call Wall!
Since they’re too big to fail, let’s just bail out them all!"

More regs were created, more rules came a-foot,
Dodd-Frank and the CARD Act had exposed all the soot.
Since a bundle of fees had been piled on our backs
New laws required candor that our banks had lacked.

Then Durbin weighed in, his principles quite merry!
He knew Debit Card profits were ripe as a cherry!
He targeted interchange like a shaft from a bow.
His amendment gave debit fee profits a blow.

And the PCI Council were NOT fast asleep.
They published 2.0, encircling all like a wreath.
PCI now scopes for data that’s lost willy-nilly
‘Cause data at rest is a thief’s bowl of jelly!

A new Kard was then offered by Kim K. herself.
And I laughed when I saw it, in spite of myself!
With a wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
She soon let me know that huge fees were ahead.

And then in a twinkling, I heard media’s shout.
They’d dug out hard facts and had numbers to tout.
Kim’s offer was costly and onerous they found,
So it faded away with hardly a sound.

All merchants must learn the new rules for their work
To protect all their data and students from jerks
Who would steal their IDs, or charge them high fees,
Or use their good names for whatever they please.

So, prepare for next year with a smile and a whistle,
And drive away problems like down off a thistle.
You’ll exclaim as you work for a future that’s bright,
"Happy U.Commerce to all, and to all a good-night!"